The place: North Africa
The year: 1906
Our story starts right - - here...
Legion! Legion! French foreign legion!
We'll give all off - for France...!
We'll break our balls - for France...!
We're scum and we're *** but we'll gladly die,
we'd loose all our legs or at least an eye,
...with great panache - for France!
...and a little in cash...
...cash, cash, cash, cash, cash, cash...
We're all for one - for France...!
To die as one - for France...!
We'll torture and maim, we will kill and be killed,
...for glory and fame we are really thrilled...
...we're shoving the schmucks - for France...!
...and a couple of bucks...
...bucks, bucks, bucks, bucks, bucks, bucks...
So bring on the Arabs, with sabers and knives,
...we'll murder the men, and we'll rape all their wives,
...for Liberty! Freedom! Nobility! Money!
...and then...
...perhaps for a change, we'll murder the wives...
...and rape all the men...!
...for France...! For France...!
For France!
This story appears to start here in the Sahara Desert -
but it really started some years earlier - in England
Geste Manor
At last!
At last, Crumble!
A son! A boy to carry on the family name of Geste.
Geste...
- He shall be a leader of men. - Men...
- I shall call him "Beau". - Beau...
- Yes. - Yes...
- Beau. - Beau yes...
My boy Beau will be tall and strong as a tree...
...I know.
- How did that sound to you? - It sounded like "bye bye, Beau..."
Any news? Has my son arrived yet...?
Not yet, but the doctor said any minute.
- Damn blast my sow of a wife, God bless her... - ...and all who sail in her.
How long does she intend to keep me waiting?
He's arrived, Sir! Listen to him crying!
Cowardly little swine.
Is that what he thinks a hero is like? Bawling like a sissy?
I'll beat some courage into him!
Where are you going Sir?
Out of my way, doctor Crippen! I want to discipline my son!
- Ahaaa! Before you go in... ...I must tell you...
...I bear both good tidings and bad tidings.
First...
...your wife is dead.
- And the bad tidings...?
Your son...
...is...
...a daughter!
A daughter ?!
I have no requirements for a daughter!
You incompetent fool, I gave you precise instructions! I want a boy!
BOYS ORPHANAGE
ADOPTIONS ARRANGED TO SUIT ALL POCKETS
You could not have picked a better establishment, Sir Hector.
All my dear boys here,
blessed, they practice what I preach.
brotherly love, self denial, and *** onto others.
They don't *** each onto other, Sir Hector.
You cannot stop the pretty dears.
Now then, Sir Hector, what kind of a boy was you looking for?
We have all manner here, you know; high and low degree.
Will you stop that, you vicious little varmint?!
Now this is a scruffy lot...
...won't do, won't do, won't do...
...and he looks jewish!
I want a soldier, not a dentist!
To be frank with you, Miss Wormwood,
...I'm looking for something... ...a little more stylish.
You see, my son has to be a hero.
For the right boy I'm prepared to pay handsomly,...
...he's got to be tall,
...blond, must have an aristocratic bearing,
...and the necessary blue eyes,
...a lad to whom I can confidently bequeath my own noble features.
I shall eventually need him to reach a height of six feet one,
And naturally he will be brought up...
...with an english gentleman's attitude and love of slaughter.
That seems to cover the essentials.
Why, you're wheezing, Woodward! Let's proceed slowly.
That's him.
That's Beau.
Beau Geste!
You are Beau Geste.
No Sir, my name is Obediah Spittle.
No...
You were Obediah Spittle.
But now...
...you are...
...Beau Geste!
I am Beau Geste.
- Wrap him up. - Oh, I couldn't, Sir Hector! He's like my own son!
- I give you five guineas. - My own son sold for six!
Tell you what I'll do: make it twelve, and I'll throw in his identical twin brother.
Two sons? Two heroes?
I'll take them both.
Digby! Say hello to your new papa...
I can't split the pair...!
And so began a new life for us.
Together with Sir Hector's daughter, Isabel, we became Gestes;
The days flew quickly by...
We were identical twins.
But somehow, Beau was much more identical then me.
Isabel adored Beau.
He seemed to feel nothing; but then, heroes aren't allowed feelings.
It was as if I felt his feelings for him.
Beau's destiny was never in doubt.
He wanted a noble death, and a Viking's funeral.
That's the way I'd like to go, Dig.
Dig, will you set fire to me, and bury me at sea...?
Well... alright.
But not until you're dead!
- Beau, you won't go and die before me? - Of course not, Dig.
We're inseparable, aren't we?
Geste et Geste nil separatum est.
Rear march!
Right turn!
Rear march! Beau was tought to be a soldier.
He learned to give commands.
And, as for me, well...
...I learned to obey them.
Our life at Geste Manor concluded as usual.
...Until that fateful night, when Sir Hector announced...
Beau!
Isabel!
I have wonderful news!
England has been plunged headlong into a bloody and disastrous war!
- My regiment leaves at dawn. - Where is this war, Sir?
How the hell should I know? My vallet has the orders.
The piles of rotting corpses, the stench of blood...
How it titillates these jaded nostrils!
I suppose I'm just an old fashioned sentimentalist...
Beau, come with me, I want you to watch what I'm doing very carefully.
Excuse me, Your Majesty.
One day, you'll have to do this yourself.
Twenty-nine on right boob...
...and three twiddles on the left.
This is the legendary "Blue Water" sapphire of the Gestes.
I have seen the Hope diamond...
...I have feasted my eyes upon the Koh-I-Noor...
Compared to this perfection, they are pieces of shit.
Beau, this priceless gem is the foundation of the Geste fortune.
Guard it until I return.
Beau grew into the full stature of his manhood.
I got older.
Sunday! Day of rest.
And what of the lovely Isabel?
She practiced and practiced, and became an accomplished virgin.
Always so damn timid, Dig. Really come at me, eh?
Beau couldn't help being a hero, Nature cast him for the part.
Physically he was perfect.
As his identical twin, I must have been perfect too.
Only, it didn't show so much on me...
Are you all right, old sport?
I think so, yes.
Stop it, stop it! I think I discovered another movie cliché!
What does it say?
Sudan relieved!
One hundred thousand english lives lost!
Forty-five thousand French die!
England wins by fifty-five thousand! Hooray!
Drive on!
Look! It's the coach! The Young Master is home!
- Isabel! - Oh, father!
Digby...
- Beau! - Father!
Children, I have a surprise, a very pleasant one for you.
I want you to meet lady Flavia Geste...
...your new mother!
We got married this morning.
Maman...
...of course this will have to go.
Yes, I must refurbish this entire house...
...from top to bottom. I mean it's awful. Just awful.
And that monstrosity over there...
That's great uncle Fabius!
And that... thing over the fireplace! Well, it simply must come down!
- But mother, that's the Geste coat of arms! - How quaint...
No-no-no... down it comes. I want to do something amusing with a peach...
As you say, my dear... But isn't it time for bed?
- But it's only six o'clock! - Oh, is it? Dammit.
Now, the dining room.
...come, come, Isabel; write all this down...!
Magnificent, isn't she?
Almost makes me feel seventy-five again.
She's certainly not unattractive, Sir.
I met her in Paris, embassy reception...
...she just lost her seventh husband. - Lost or mislaid?
And I want something absolutely wicked with wall-to-wall hermine...
Don't you think we should look at the bedroom...?
Yes! I thought we might do something bizarre,
with a chandelier and some ostrich feathers...
I hope I have the energy...
Tell Crumble I may require a step-ladder...
One moment, Sir...!
May I have a moment with our... ...our new mama?
Of course... get caught upstairs, eggy-pops.
Quite right, give me a head-start... we should rise together!
- May I talk to you... confidentially? - What's a mother for...?
Be careful with father; he's a very old man.
And I want him to become a very, very old man.
I trust we shan't be... enemies, Beau?
That's up to you, I should say.
Good night, Beau...
Good night.
Mother.
Hurry up! I can't hang on to this chandelier much longer...!
Something terrible has happened in the manor!
Come on, doggie!
I've given him a sedative.
But it's touch and go.
- Heart attack? - Yes. It was too much for a man of his age...
He over-came himself...
This may be the first recorded case of... death by extasy...
Will he pull throuh?
He's a tough old warhorse...
...but frankly, it's a matter of time.
Simply a matter of time.
Oh, how sad. Taken from his loved ones in his very blime...
You must be brave, mama, you mustn't cry...!
You're right. Fear not, dear Hector!
Your beloved Flavia will sing and dance again!
But he's not dead yet!
Well, it's been four days, for Christ's sake!
The doctor said three at most!
Incompetent quack...
You might at least allow him to pass away in dignity...
Of course I shall sell this house...
It holds too many unhappy memories for me...
Isabel, you're a virgin. You can enter a nunnery.
Obiously, so can you, Digby.
But... I have other plans for you, Beau.
My lady, the gentlemens from Cartier's are here.
- Crumble, the safe. - The safe, Crumble...
Cartier's, the jewellers?
Surely you don't mean to sell the "Blue Water"...?
It's mine now, and I shall dipose of it as I see fit.
Here it is, my lady.
- What happened? - Probably just a power failure, mother.
- Look! - What?
- There! - Where?
- Here! - Where?
- Gone! - What?
- It!
Is this someone's idea of a joke?
- Don't look at me. - I didn't take it.
Not faithful old Crumble.
Very well. I'm going to put out this light,
count to three, and put the light back on.
But then I want to see the "Blue Water" back on the table.
One... two... three.
I'm going to try again.
This time, I want to see the "Blue Water" back in it's place.
Also, the table.
One, two, three.
My patience is wearing thin.
I shall try once more.
One - two - three.
I knew you would come to your senses.
Crumble, the police.
Stop! If you call the police,
it will only bring shame upon the name of Geste.
Screw the name of Geste!
Well, what do you suggest?
I would give the culprit until morning to think it over.
- And? Will he think it over, Beau? - I guarantee it.
You have my word as a Geste
that you will not find that box empty in the morning.
So, it was you!
N-no, I've just crept down here to see if the stone had been returned...
- And has it?
All I found was this... envelope.
It's in Beau's handwriting.
I shall be far, far away by the time you here this letter...
Yes Dig, it was I that took the "Blue Water"
Sometime a man has to do what a man has to do.
Look after Isabel, and guard her virginity as you would your own.
I trust papa will continue to die nobly...
Adieu, brother!
Wait a minute, I haven't finished yet!
Thank you.
P.S.: Don't look for me. Especially in North Africa.
- What are you doing...? - I'm destroying the evidence.
Good idea.
No.
I shall eat it raw.
The evidence wil be safely in my stomach.
By the time it comes out in the end, Beau will be in North Africa.
- I shall confess. - Will they believe you did it?
I shall just stand up there in court...
...and say...
Guilty my lad.
Have you nothing to say in your defense?
Nothing. Not a word.
I refuse to speak. I shall remain silent...
...until death as befits a Geste...! - SHUT UP!
I will not divulge a single secret, not one...
SHUT UP!!!
Digby Geste!
I hereby sentence you to two years hard labor.
Doesn't seem very much, does it? Couldn't I give him more?
Did I hear four...?
Four years.
Four years!
Five years.
Six!
Eight years!
Ten.
- Twelve! - What are they saying?
Going... going...
Fifty years!
Seventy five years!
NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SIX YEARS!
Prisoner at the bar,
I hereby sentence you to nine hundred and fifty six years!
...or life. Whichever is the longer.
Take him away!
Oh Digby!
Don't worry about me.
Beau's secret will be safe in my hands.
- How's father? - Still alive and dying...
Good.
Then I have done whatever it is that I have done...
...for Beau and for the sacred name of Geste...!
Somewhere in Morocco...
Company, halt!
About face!
Stand still!
Don't move a muscle!
Or you'll be flogged!
New recruits ready for inspection, sergeant Markov!
My name is Markov. Sergeant Markov.
And I despise you all.
And I don't even know you yet, gentlemen.
Komm, mein pferdchen... hopp, hopp, eins, zwei...
In time, my contempt for you will blossom into revolsion and digust.
If you are lucky!
What have we here, Boldini?
A shipment of new recruits, oh my sergeant!
Ja... look at them, corporal... Oh, God...
A much redder bunch than we usually get them...
- Your name? - Smith...
- Name? - Schmidt...
- Your name? - Smith... Smith...
Take their numbers, Boldini...
We ask no questions here...
...darn that sock...!
Perhaps he will be good in the kitchen, huh?
- Your name? - Jones!
- Jones?
It used to be Smith. I had to change it.
Officer material...!
- Your name?
- Smith. Reporting for duty, sergeant Markov.
"Smith. Reporting for duty, sergeant..."
Why do you speak in this damn silly way?
It's my usual manner of speach sergeant, I'm sorry if it offends you.
Listen, YOU offend me.
It's your boots I want to see my face in...
...not your fingernails!!!
You're in the legion now, here we don't need gentlemen.
Oh, good morning général Pecheur... comment ca va, mon général...?
I'm a soldier sergeant, and I trust I shall prove a loyal and a brave one!
- What don't we like in the legion, Baldini...?
- A smartass...
This one, my sergeant, Boldini would like to...
Not now, not now...
Your time will come, later.
Now... For all you other Smiths, my little fledermauses:
You are now in the legion. You will be soldiers!
And you will learn how to die!
Life is as brief as a butterfly's fart.
But death is something that you have forever!
From now on, you will march until you drop,
and when you have dropped, you will crawl...!
Some may consider that I am excessively cruel.
But, there is a reason for this cruelty.
I enjoy it!
- Good night, scum. - Good night, sarge!
Good night, sergeant!
Good night, me darling Catherine...!
Good night... ...whoever you are...!
"The view from my window"
Dear Dig, I'm sorry a haven't written before, but in the legion it's all go...
...busy busy busy, don't you know.
Weather's spiffy. Bags of sunshine!
Highs in the upper hundred and thirties.
The chap here in charge is OK for a kraut, but not one of us.
Lots to do and see... Haven't had a quiet moment until now...
Food - not so hot.
Having no ladies makes some of the men a trifle edgy...
Some of the chaps are a bit on the... irritable side.
Heard you're in jail for life!
Ah, jeez! Still, knowing you, you'll find someone to cheer up with.
- How's the lovely Isabel? - Okay!
And of course, Sir Hector. How is he?
Still alive and dying, thank you for asking!
Perhaps one day you'll be able to get out here and join me!
Until then, ever thine, your twin, Beau.
I shall escape.... I shall escape!
- Up or down? - Yes, please.
I'm sorry about all this, but next week we're having it wallpapered.
Oh I see lady Flavia, I forgot to tell you...
Your son is in solitary confinement.
Who are all these other people, Governor?
They are also in solitary confinement;
crowded jail conditions, you know.
Digby! Digby!
I must talk to you confidentially.
- WHAT? - I know you don't have the "Blue Water"
I know that Beau has it, hasn't he?
I refuse to talk. I won't talk. Not a word! Not a syllable!
Shut up! I can't hear myself moaning!
- I'm sorry... - If you won't talk,
I'll find some other way of getting it out of you!
I shall escape.
I shall escape and join Beau!
Delighted you came, my dear!
And I'd like you to know that you made a happy man feel very... old.
Oh, thank you. Now let's get this straight -
In exchange for one hour of amorous sedaliance...
Just under four minutes, actually...
Really? Well, one does what one can...
...you wish me to contrive an escape from my own prison?
Precisely.
To pit the entire weight of british justice...
... against...
Point taken...
Thank you. It's been a business doing pleasure with you.
Oh, how power corrupts... ...thank God...
Oh, one thing. Digby lacks experience. He needs assistance.
Don't worry. We'll give him a helping hand.
...even if we have to force him to escape!
I've escaped. I have escaped!
Where to, Sir?
Morocco!
I've escaped!
Follow that hansom!
Enjoy your meal, please!
My mother's recipe.
The men are complaining about the food, sergeant Markov!
COMPLAINING?
I don't eat as well as you do! All alone in the ***'s mess!
We march at the first light.
Our moment of reckoning will come at fort Zindeneuf...
All day yesterday the sheik's men have been attacking the fort.
Many brave legionnaires have been killed in a futile effort to defend it.
Tomorrow, you will be killed doing something equally futile!
You're only privileged to die once.
Don't screw it up!
Digby Smith, reporting for duty, Sir!
Join the other dreck!
- Good heavens! Digby! - Beau!
- Oh, God, it's good to see you! - And you too!
Geste et Geste nil separatum est!
What are you doing here?
Where else did you expect me to come when I escaped?
- Escaped? - Didn't you arrange it?
Never mind. You're here, that's what matters!
Well, come along. I'll show you to your quarters!
Oh, I can't believe it!
- How's it look? - Terrific!
Oh, by the way, I trust father is still alive and dying...?
Oh, couldn't be more so.
You know I'd hate for the old boy
to pop off without knowing I've done him proud...
And... ...what of our dear mother...?
Not got the foggiest, old chap.
Don't worry... I think we've seen the last of her...
Tell me, Pecheur, what manner of man is the sergeant Markov?
Oh, he is... vicious... cruel... sadistic...
Sergeant Markov is a soldier to the skin...
Appears our friend Beau has a brother who's a jailbird...
Perhaps our... fine english gentleman is not all that he is *** up from...
Oh, hurry Boldini...
Komm, little bär!
The usual, oh Masterful One?
- This little piggy went to market... - Yes? Yes?
- ...this little piggy stayed at home... - ...stayed at home...?
-... this little piggy had a roastbeef... - ...roastbeef...!
- ...This little piggy has none...!
- What happened to the other little piggies?
- Who is it? - Général Pecheur!
I have a visitor for you!
I'm coming, my general!
- My leg, quick! - Which one?
Boldini, the dress leg!
Coming, my leg! ...my, my general!
I've got the groove my sergeant. ...Just one more screw...
Keep screwing, Boldini! Faster, Boldini!
Can't you screw any faster than that?
Every thousand miles this thing must be oiled!
I'm coming, General! I'm coming!
All present and correct, my general!
...my general?
...my general...!
I'll come straight to the point.
- You know my son Beau. - He's your son?!
Believe me you have a fine boy there madam!
Bullshit! He's a thief.
Stole something belonging to me. A large paste sapphire. Well...
...if you can return it to me, it'll be worth two-hundred-francs.
More than you earn in five years!
In order to recover the trinket... ...I may have to hurt the boy.
Even to kill him somewhat... ...slightly.
You march to Zindeneuf tomorrow, I shall meet you there.
By that time I shall have the trinket.
Then the two hundred francs will be yours...!
- Good night, sergeant Markov! - Gute nacht, gnädige Frau!
Boldiniiii...!
Yessss... and what's this down here? Look there too!
More of your handiwork, Boldini!
- You heard? - Boldini heard, my sergeant.
For two hundred francs, I could buy myself
a twenty-two carat solid gold leg!
How many gold legs could you buy with...
...FIFTY MILLION francs, oh my sergeant Markov...?
Fifty million? That's idle dreams...
Fifty million for a paste trinket...? Noooo....
For the "Blue Water" sapphire!
Aaah, for the Blue...
Adieu, adieu... mes braves... mes petits soldats...
May God go with you...!
...I have better things to do.
Forgive the interrupcion, ma petite...
...where were we...?
At page thirty-six, third diagram from the bottom...!
Oooh... ...c'est difficile...!
I wonder how they do that...!
Ohhohoo... c'est formidable...
Pardon, mon empereur, but this is not even for your eyes...!
Arabs!
Battlestations! Kriegsmanöver!
Fire!
Good shot, Dig!
Wind compensation - zwei und zwanzig degrees, true North!
...zwei und zwanzig degrees, true North...!
***
Und - feuer!
Scheissmerde!
AJAX CAMEL INFLATOR
Excuse me... Am I in any sort of danger here?
Digby, look... Look, they got our flag!
We'll have to get another one!
You take that side, I'll take this.
Good luck!
Jump it!
We interrupt this important battle to bring you the news...
...the score is twenty-three dead, seven wounded on either side.
We'll be right back to the action, right after this message...
HONEST HAKKIM OFFERS YOU A GENUINE DEAL
Shalom, Salam, welcome effendis!
I wanna tell you something...
...you want a good set of humps, come to camel-lot...
...come to Hakkim's camel-lot!
I've got here the best deals in town, look at this here -
...this is our customized animal, this is a beauty...
...this one has been just recently de-humped.
Comes with an automatic mouth-wash, you can't miss a deal like this...!
Here we got the bargain of the week, one lady owned camel...
...this camel has never gone anywhere, just stood around looking good...
...come on down, take advantage of me!
This is a beautiful animal. This happens to be a convertible.
You take off the hump, you put on a couple dots...
...what have you got in the summer, you got a giraffe...
...the kids will love it!
Come on in! Over here I got a special couture...
This camel is serviced four times a day!
...by that camel.
In fact, I'll put them together, you can be a two camel family!
That's all I'm gonna show you...
...I got the biggest camel-lot in the whole world...
...not to mention the valley.
So you come on down, you take the trail to fez...
...just stop and you make a left turn over at the first sand dune heading east...
...you come on down, bring the kids...
...I'll stand upon my fez until my face is such a mess...
See Hakkim, see Hakkim, see Hakkim...!
And now, back to the battle...!
Digby...!
Looks like we've beaten them off, Beau.
They'll coma again at dawn. They always do in sthis kind of story.
Now remember... Save your last bullet for yourself!
Yes, I'd like a souvenir...
Oh, Dig... If I'm pipped before you are...
...don't forget what we agreed.
- The Viking funeral? - That's the ticket.
Make sure I'm buried at sea.
Might be a bit tricky out here, but I'll do what I can...
Geste et Geste nil separatum est...
<- BATTLE
I see you haven't done much of this sort of thing, Digby...
How'd you know my name is Digby?
What sort of thing...? Who are you...?
I think I've seen you... You're in movies, aren't you?
Older brother takes care of everything.
I promise you.
You're not Beau...
You didn't steal the "Blue Water"...
How do you know about the "Blue Water"...?
The Gestes always stick together.
I keep telling you you're not a Geste!
Digby!
Somebody always gets out of these things.
It might be you.
I bloody well hope it is...!
Look, can you just direct me to the end of this scene, that's all I ask?!
Well, that's very kind of you...
Thank you very much.
Moroccan Gold, eh?
No wonder you always talk so slurred...
Really heavy shit...
Now... where were we?
Let's get some rest...
Yes! Yes. You have a nice little sleep.
I'll find my own way out...
"MEANWHILE... IN ANOTHER PART OF THE STORY..."
How do you do!
How too delightful of you to pop in!
Harry brought you tea and crumpets yet?
Thank you, but no. I have come here on business.
Aaah! But - you must introduce me to your delightful companion!
Lady Flavia Geste...
Oh, goodness, how superb...
Enough of the social graces...
I've been going over the last quarterly return, Sheikh...
The war is losing money.
Two weeks ago I advanced you one million francs, for weapons.
And what have I to show for it?
A lousy three thousand dead legionnaires.
You'll attack Zindeneuf once more. Only this time...
...I want everyone killed.
We sing as we march, and we march as we sing...
...as we *** with a song on our lips...
We fight as we march, as we march as we fight...
...but we sing as we cash in the chips...
Company, atten-tion!
Present-arms!
Is saluting that man...?
Oh, yes...
All right, my little fledermauses...
Those who survived did quite well.
Those who got killed did rather better...!
So to keep up your morale, there will be a little celebration tonight!
A regimental ball...!
You will enjoy yourself...
That's an order!
Meanwhile I hear that the "Blue Wa..."
You can't be too careful...
...sooo, the "Blue Water" has come back to us again.
Yeah, that's nice...
I have reason to believe... it is secreted about his person.
It's not in his pockets... ...I picked them...
In that case, you'll have to pick his person...
I was looking for the soap...
I have searched his person...
...the "Blue Water" is not there...!
Boldini suspects it must be somewhere else...
...but where is somewhere else...?!?
His private quarters...
I'm not touching those again!
Mother certainly gets around a bit, doesn't she...?
Aaah, sergeant! How delightful to see you again!
I believe you have a little trinket for me...?
Welcome to Fort Zindeneuf, gnädige Frau...!
...not yet, tonight it'll be in my hands...
...If you will do me the honor of partenaire-ing me...?
Certainly...
Protocol demands I dance my first waltz with sergeant Markov...
Aaah, there you are...
No-one has asked me to dance...
...and I'm tired of being a wall-flower...
Aren't you going to dance with your mother...?
With pleasure...
You're behaving very foolishly...
...I know you have the "Blue Water".
We both could live very well...
I could dance like this all night...
When I leave you tonight, I'm going to take two things with me.
The "Blue Water"...
...and you.
What hour...?
All right gentlemen, synchronize your hourglasses.
We leave in exactly seventy... ...thousand grains of sand...!
Twenty five minutes, and then we must leave, Merdmanger.
But how can you speak of leaving, mon général, when you are having
such a wonderful time...?
- Did the earth move for you, darling? - I did feel... something.
I only hope I lived up to what a mother should expect from her son.
You performed heroicly.
Oh, you know, I haven't got it with me... the "Blue Water".
Beau, let's go away together now...
Oh no... No, we must go back to the fort.
But I don't want to be there when they attack at dawn!
Hmmm? At dawn...?
A...attack at dawn...?
...well, who...?
...how do you know they will attack at dawn...?
See I break like the wind...!
- All right! Give me my leg! - The battle leg...?
Of course the battle leg!
What's the bugle sounding for, if it's not the battle leg...?
Come quick... It's an anti-clockwise thread here...
...never mind the pain...!
Nobody falls?
Why doesn't anyone fall?
Nobody...? What kind of a war is this...?
Open the gates!
Hold your fire!
Cease firing! Hold it!
What the hell do you think you're doing?!?
- Go on firing, all of you! - Ignore him!
I suppose you know - the penalty for mutiny is total death!
Please lady, out of the way, this is a military matter!
Please, will you?
What are you trying to prove?!?
Why don't you fall???
Because they're blanks!
- Blanks? - Yes!
Thanks to general Pecheur you've all been issued with blank ammunition!
Even without ammunition! ...angreifen!
Für Vaterland und Kaiser!
Yes...?
Trickt!
We're behind you Sir! We'll die to the last man if you say so!
No! You can be free!
Go! Deserts! Get out of here!
Go and be rotten to people! But - do it for our decent living ways!
Excuse me, but we've been riding round and round
shooting and whooping like mad things...
Have we called at an inconvenient moment?
Would you like us to come back later...?
No, it's not that, it's just that... hey...
...fellows... ...you can't just desert!
You'll miss the rest of the story!
Hey...! Come back...!
You're supposed to be inside, we're supposed to be outside...
Pull down the flag!
Wait for me, wait for me...! I'm your leader...!
How can I lead if you won't wait for me...?
Oh, I am lost... And out of the job...
I'm a natural leader of men, but, they won't follow me!
Where...?
Perhaps I can learn...?
By the way...
...where is the "Blue Water"...?
You took the words right out of my mouth...
...which is somewhat... ...un-hygienic...?
Trickt!
Why are you always in the way, Boldini...?
So... The obligatory duel to the death?
Of course.
As hero and villain, it is expected of us.
We may not quarrel with our given destinies, my friend!
You desire to duel with or without conversation...?
With, I think! Yes!
Definitely with!
*** twisted and tellingly turned...
...but beware...
...he who turns on his own twist, may yet twist on his own turn!
Cunningly quoted!
But as the *** bends with the wind,
so may he shortly be blown like the chaff
into the infinite cavity of oblivion!
- I'm not quite sure I understand that... - Never mind, it sounds good...!
But I do beg your pardon, you were about to say...?
You display a perilous panache, my friend...
*** shriveling to ash,
but even as cold steel may be beaten on the anvil,
so may it *** be humbled by the hammer of...
...surprize...!
...Tricked again...!
As Von Clausewitz once said:
Mere idle mortals may have feet of clay...
...but mortal idols sometimes have feet of... STEEL!
Don't move, please...!
You moved! Oh, no! No...!
Tell me, Geste... ...before you kill me...
...where is the "Blue Water"...?
Where is the "Blue Water", Geste ?!?
Touché, I believe...
I hid it there while we were still in the garrison.
The "Blue Water..."
...it's the last place I would have looked.
Sooo... Boldini! Plan fourty-two!
Help me up...!
Look, Boldini, for you and me! For me...!
Threaten them, Boldini! Threaten them!
Remember - nerves of steel!
Catch the rope! Ah yes, good!
Everything is going according to plan!
No, no, Digby!
The "Blue Water"...! The Geste family fortune...!
You can't just let them take it like that!
- It's a fake...! - What do you mean a fake...?
Now you don't think I'd take such a risk with the real "Blue Water"...?!?
Well then... Where is it...?
It's in a safe deposit box in Paris...
I'm proud of you, Beau... I am...
I see, we just take the "Blue Water" now and...
...take it straight back to Sir Hector!
Screw Sir Hector!
All my life I've done everything Sir Hector wanted!
I've never done a thing for myself!
...'till now! - Beau, you can't mean it!
You've saved the fort! You'll get a medal! You're a hero!
- ...I'll bury you at see! - Heroism? Medals...?
Medals are like hemorrhoids, Digby, sooner or later every asshole gets one.
What about me? All my life I've worked for you!
I've gone to jail for you! I've even felt your feelings for you!
I'm not gonna let you not be a hero!
I'm awfully sorry about this, Digby...
What are you doing...?
They always made a hero of the last men alive...
...and, that's just what he wanted!
Now, there's just one more thing we must do...
Well, if you're quick, but... wouldn't it be more romantic to go to...
Oh no, not that... Not now...
No, first we must get rid of Beau Geste...
Strange...
A besieged fort... No signs of a battle...
Ah, no, no, one corpse...
Now, we just have time to scale down the back wall...
Good bye, Digby, old twin...!
And farewell, Beau Geste!
May you rest in peace!
Another hero for France! Commanding to report...
...to me immediately! I wish to decorate him!
What's this one for...?
- For baking chocolate mousse... - Yes... that's good enough.
Adieu, mon brave
Digby Geste reporting for duty, Sir!
This man can tell us the mistery of the deserted fort...!
Yes... Yes, he could, couldn't he?
Do you intend to talk, my friend?
A Geste never talks! I refuse to speak!
Not one word! Not one syllable!
I shall remain silent, totally silent, absolutely silent; I will not utter one...
- Will you shut up?!? - I'm afraid I can't answer that question, Sir!
Well... then you leave me no option...
...but to shoot you for withholding information.
- If it be so then... so be it. - It is so.
- Then, so it be. - Be!
- Sir, look! I found this!
We are loking at the finest soldier I've ever met...
...Beau Geste!
Beau, dead...?
- It's not... It's not possible. - Formidable!
- Oh, pardon, mon général... - Merdemanger...
...will you kindly scrape monsieur Geste from my face...?
And place him in a suitable container!
Now... have you any final request, before you are sent to the firing squad?
Well... Beau always wanted a Viking funeral, Sir!
I promised him that he should be buried at sea!
In the middle of the desert...? C'est drole... However...
The legion always honors it's heroes!
Beau Geste! Noble son of the legion!
We commend thy mortal remains onto the mighty deep...
It is not the Atlantic... ...but it is the best we can do!
Good bye, Beau Geste! Go with God!
Now, are you prepared to die?
- I'm prepared! - Ready...
...ready...
I'm prepared to die, so that Beau's name may live!
Would you expect me to betray my brother...? My country? My Isabel?
Silence onto death is our family motto. Shall I talk now?
Bah! You expect me to talk when all I could preserve
is my own measly, worthless life? Haha!
Doh! Bloody right I'll talk! I'll talk! I'll talk! I'll talk!
Just try to stop me! I'll talk! I'll talk!
THREE MONTHS LATER
The Young Master is home!
He's home again!
- My God, this thing is heavy... -
Digby...!
- At last, you've returned! - Yes!
- Have you...? - Shhh!
Don't speak! Just let me look at you for a moment!
And then I won't speak and you can just look at me for a moment.
- Enough...? - Enough...!
- Isabel... You know how I've always felt... - I know...
- But you know that Beau and I... - I know...
- I think that you know that he and I... - I know...
- And you know that if we didn't know... - I know...
- You know I know... - Yes...
- How little we know... - I know...
- Then you know that Beau is... - No...!
- Beau is what...? - Beau is... not.
- Oh... - If he were, I would feel it.
Somehow I know that... even if he and Flavia managed to escape...
...they've never made their way through that parched desert...!
Oh, darling... If I should die now, I'd die happy...
Oh, mother...
If it weren't for the thirst... ...this damn thirst...
- Waiter! Oh, waiter! - Yes, Sir?
- Champagne please. Extremely well iced! - coming up, Sir!
You know, it's strange... I always used to know what Beau was feeling.
And...
...somehow I have the feeling he's still alive.
A man's gotta be what a man's gotta be...
...he must poke his heart right in the eye without flinching to see...
He must be what he must, he must must what he be...
...just to be what he was what he will be because he will be what is he...
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...
...he must ask himself who am I, when am I, why am I, now that I'm who...
...and what am I when, and when am I what...
...and why am I, who I am, what I am, when I am not...
Though the answer is so easy to guess
He must dare to say, dare to say yes!
Yes!
Now what is a hero, but a man with no choice...
...he needs courage and guts...
...as well as blond hair and a high tenor voice...
He must climb the impossible dream, and then...
...with a lump in his throat he must cry with his last time for courage...
...to reach...
...the impossible not.